i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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