zippers are such a cool invention
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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