i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
