saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
