Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize