Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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