So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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