hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
