Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize