they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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