If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
