i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
