My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
