Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
