Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
