you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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