Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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