He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
