I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i came on her dog
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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