this beer tastes like vomit already
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
