And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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