If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
