I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
