i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
