He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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