Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize
