You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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