There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
