I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
No more Irish car bombs ever.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
your like the ambassador to my penis.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
