I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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