Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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