Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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