oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
im drinking this country out of the recession.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
