I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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