well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
