you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
