Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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