Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
