so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
