i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
