So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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