She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Farmville is her only friend.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
