so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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