If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
