and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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