apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
