Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
