That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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