btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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