Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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