we made out on top of his cat.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
