the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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