The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize