I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
