i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
