we're blogging at a bar
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Randomize
