Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
