I wish I only lived at night.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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