Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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