She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Randomize
