and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
