so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
