Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
