I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
